It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
