we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
