doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
