As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
