hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
