It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
two words...techno handjob
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
