Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
