all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
