I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
