the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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