I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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