I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
