god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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