I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
