You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
