South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
