discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
