I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
