Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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