I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
