Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i will never coherently bang her
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
