you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
