I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
