I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
