did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
