Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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