38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
tell me about the eggs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
