An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
