I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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