Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
