is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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