please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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