Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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