Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
