sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
