yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
