So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
