he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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