Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
please don't ironically join a cult
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
