Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
