I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
