WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
