i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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