dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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