I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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