You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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