This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
