Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
