nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
