It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
