Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
